I don't know if it's a midlife crisis, or the fact that I am totally in love with my husband (albeit not churched, yet), but for the last year or so I've had this rather insane urge to have another baby.
Which is nearly impossible, seeing as I had my tubes tied several years ago when I thought that I was done with the whole child-bearing thing. I say nearly, because science is a wonderful thing, and I know that I can harvest eggs till the cows come home. If we can get past the whole impersonal side of invitro (ie: me on a table in stirrups and Mike in a dark room with the latest copy of Hustler or Playboy), then great! Then again there is no way to pre-implantation screen for Downs Syndrome and other things prior to fertilization and implantation. I believe that life begins at fertilization, and don't think that I could choose to toss away an imperfect life.
At the risk of seeming to be selfish or shallow, I don't want a baby with Downs or other imperfections. I want a life with Mike after retirement...yet I know that the risk of having a Downs baby at my age is great. Sarah Palin has a beautiful son with Downs...but she is her and I am me. I know my limitations.
Yet, there is nothing more that would give me pleasure than to give Mike a son or daughter. There is nothing I want more than to make a child with him. He is so incredible, in spite of his faults, and he'd be a wonderful father. He is to my girls...a son would take the cake in my eyes.
So, since I don't want to risk a bad pregnancy, or even go to the expense of invitro, I'm thinking adoption.
Maybe after I finish Nursing school.
There are so many unwanted, unplanned for babies in this world. I have a friend who has adopted 2 boys from unfit mothers. Their lives are so much better now, their potential is incredible.
This is something that I, no we, have to seriously consider. Babies change everything. I mean EVERYTHING. I have had 2...I know this.
Yet the thought of sleepless nights, diapers, formula and all daunt me not, for there is nothing that I've ever experienced that is more fulfilling to my soul than a baby. The loving, nurturing and caring for a new life. Being a mother is the most incredible thing I have ever done with my life.
I am pretty sure I want to do it again....I know that I want to share it with Mike.
I know that it's something that I need to pray over.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Vacation....
I was going to write a long post on the trip Mike and I took recently, but I decided to forgo the post...there are simply times when a paucity of words are better than a deluge..
On July 14 Mike and I departed our home and went to New Orleans, where we met up with friends to ride to the Blue Knights International, which was taking place in Chesapeake VA. In 12 days we covered 4073 miles and saw places that I've never seen before. Aside from the fact that I got heat sick in Delaware, thus missing a chance to go to New Jersey, the trip was awesome....some of the memorable places we hit were:
Yorktown, Jamestown Settlement, The Outer Banks, Kill Devil Hills, Gettysburg, the Appalachian Trace and other sites. We saw the beauty of the valleys in Pennsylvania, mist filled with farms and barns with red silos rising out of the mists. Fields of corn, wild dogs, roads that twisted through mountains following streams. We crossed Chesapeake Bay, a beautiful, glistening body of water and sandy shores. We met friendly people, helpful and concerned...not mindful of the puddle of water I left on their floor when Cherie and Jason and Mike saved me from heat stroke...(it's shocking how fast ice melts on hot flesh!)
When one grows up in the South, one hears about the brusqueness of Northerners, but the one;s we met were all politeness! Annapolis is a beautiful, friendly town...a perfect stranger puled up along side Mike and I at a stop light and raved about Texas..we raved about Maryland.
The food was to DIE for, those little country diners where one can get a proper breakfast for less than $10 a couple...I'm talking eggs, bacon, biscuits and gravy with coffee and juice...the whole nine yards. The accents were cool too.
The most memorable part of the trip for me was Kill Devil Hills and the Wright Brother's Memorial.
Space flight and the exploration of space has always fascinated me. I remember watching Neil Armstrong take his first steps on the Moon...even though I was 2 at the time. There are some things that one never forgets. I suppose that I get this love from my dad, as he's always been a fan of NASA and space exploration.
So, the chance to see where it all began, Kill Devil Hills, was something I couldn't pass up. You see if it weren't for The Wright Brothers, we'd have never made it to the moon when we did.
Think about this...it was ONLY 66 years from the first flight to the first landing on the moon....such a scant amount of time, especially when one considers that the Dark Ages lasted for about a 1000 years and the Industrial Revolution took place roughly 100 or so years prior to the first flight...not even that long if I am correct.
We went from horse and carriage to space in about a century, and man has occupied this planet for thousands, no, hundreds of thousands of years before this.
So naturally I geeked out!
I walked the length of Wilbur and Orville's first 4 fights! On the very same spot! The very spot that changed the world...the very world we live in.
The progression of what we saw isn't lost on me...we went from Jamestown to Yorktown...that final battle that gained our independence from England, making us the nation we are now, to the very site that launched humans into the air. That led to humans into space...it was, and is so damn awe inspiring.
This trip really brought home to me what a great nation I am blessed enough to live in. The very founding principles of this country unleashed the potential of human intelligence and creativity into this world. The freedoms we have enabled men like the Wright Brothers to pursue their dream. The freedoms we enjoy, and take for granted, have led to the improvement of lives all over the world, whether through efficient farming techniques or through advances in medical science.
We are that beacon on the hill...calling others who desire the freedom that is God given to our shores...
Most of all, this trip reinforced the love I have for my country. It bolstered the faith I have in Humanity...when a man, or woman is free to pursue their dreams, anything is possible. Anything. Governments can try to suppress the human spirit, but they can never kill it. God designed us to dream, to achieve.
That is the Human condition. That is our destiny....to be that shining beacon on the hill. We may have to go through rough patches, but those patches are the test of one's spirit, one's determination...it does take fire to forge the strongest metal.
On July 14 Mike and I departed our home and went to New Orleans, where we met up with friends to ride to the Blue Knights International, which was taking place in Chesapeake VA. In 12 days we covered 4073 miles and saw places that I've never seen before. Aside from the fact that I got heat sick in Delaware, thus missing a chance to go to New Jersey, the trip was awesome....some of the memorable places we hit were:
Yorktown, Jamestown Settlement, The Outer Banks, Kill Devil Hills, Gettysburg, the Appalachian Trace and other sites. We saw the beauty of the valleys in Pennsylvania, mist filled with farms and barns with red silos rising out of the mists. Fields of corn, wild dogs, roads that twisted through mountains following streams. We crossed Chesapeake Bay, a beautiful, glistening body of water and sandy shores. We met friendly people, helpful and concerned...not mindful of the puddle of water I left on their floor when Cherie and Jason and Mike saved me from heat stroke...(it's shocking how fast ice melts on hot flesh!)
When one grows up in the South, one hears about the brusqueness of Northerners, but the one;s we met were all politeness! Annapolis is a beautiful, friendly town...a perfect stranger puled up along side Mike and I at a stop light and raved about Texas..we raved about Maryland.
The food was to DIE for, those little country diners where one can get a proper breakfast for less than $10 a couple...I'm talking eggs, bacon, biscuits and gravy with coffee and juice...the whole nine yards. The accents were cool too.
The most memorable part of the trip for me was Kill Devil Hills and the Wright Brother's Memorial.
Space flight and the exploration of space has always fascinated me. I remember watching Neil Armstrong take his first steps on the Moon...even though I was 2 at the time. There are some things that one never forgets. I suppose that I get this love from my dad, as he's always been a fan of NASA and space exploration.
So, the chance to see where it all began, Kill Devil Hills, was something I couldn't pass up. You see if it weren't for The Wright Brothers, we'd have never made it to the moon when we did.
Think about this...it was ONLY 66 years from the first flight to the first landing on the moon....such a scant amount of time, especially when one considers that the Dark Ages lasted for about a 1000 years and the Industrial Revolution took place roughly 100 or so years prior to the first flight...not even that long if I am correct.
We went from horse and carriage to space in about a century, and man has occupied this planet for thousands, no, hundreds of thousands of years before this.
So naturally I geeked out!
I walked the length of Wilbur and Orville's first 4 fights! On the very same spot! The very spot that changed the world...the very world we live in.
The progression of what we saw isn't lost on me...we went from Jamestown to Yorktown...that final battle that gained our independence from England, making us the nation we are now, to the very site that launched humans into the air. That led to humans into space...it was, and is so damn awe inspiring.
This trip really brought home to me what a great nation I am blessed enough to live in. The very founding principles of this country unleashed the potential of human intelligence and creativity into this world. The freedoms we have enabled men like the Wright Brothers to pursue their dream. The freedoms we enjoy, and take for granted, have led to the improvement of lives all over the world, whether through efficient farming techniques or through advances in medical science.
We are that beacon on the hill...calling others who desire the freedom that is God given to our shores...
Most of all, this trip reinforced the love I have for my country. It bolstered the faith I have in Humanity...when a man, or woman is free to pursue their dreams, anything is possible. Anything. Governments can try to suppress the human spirit, but they can never kill it. God designed us to dream, to achieve.
That is the Human condition. That is our destiny....to be that shining beacon on the hill. We may have to go through rough patches, but those patches are the test of one's spirit, one's determination...it does take fire to forge the strongest metal.
The First Beaux
My 16 year old daughter has a beau...he's 16 like she is, and has had a crush on her since October. He only started making courting gestures last month.
Tonight he came over so that we could meet him, and Mike and I also got to meet his parents. He's a nice guy, who reminds me in so many ways, of my first boyfriend. Tall, dark and nerdy. He also plays guitar and cello. Is into greek mythology and thinks that Mars is ripe for terraforming...and he's polite!
The dog likes him too, so that's a plus.
I confess that I am really not ready for my daughter to be dating...she's only 16! I now know how my parents felt...to me she is still that little babe I held in my arms and fed, not this gorgeous, intelligent creature with a knockout bod....
I am drawn back to my youth, when I was a bit younger, and this boy who was the first to claim my heart. I had my first kiss at a dance in middle school...and I can say, that to this date, it was the sweetest, most incredible kiss I've ever had.
I mean no offense to my Mike, none at all, but there is something about that first kiss that renders it the best. It's the breathless excitement of the unknown...chaste yet scintillating; it's something a girl (and I suspect a boy) never forgets. That shiver down the spine, the reward of many a nervous thought, action and dream. That tingle in the toes ( and other parts, naughty!) the feeling that one can fly. The trembles, the sighs....oh to be that innocent again!
What heaven that first kiss was!
What bliss that first touch of a strong set of hands about one's waist. The clean smell of his skin, and the breathless nervousness of it all. It was so pure, yet so decadent. The memory is so sweet! It makes my heart pound even to this day!
I want that for my daughter, yet I don't. I want her to feel that swooping of the stomach, the taste of that first kiss on her lips....but I also want to kill the SOB that dares tread that territory.
I am a parent...oh my god....this is hellish and also delightful. It's so hard to put into words...I am happy and sad. I know how may parent's felt. It's just as bad as being an adolescent all over again, only this time, when her heart gets broken it will be two of us suffering. We have reached that fork, that beginning of the road that will lead her away from me and to her own destiny.
It is incredible. It's scary. It's wonderful, yet heartbreaking to behold.
Yet, I wouldn't trade this for all of the world.
Tonight he came over so that we could meet him, and Mike and I also got to meet his parents. He's a nice guy, who reminds me in so many ways, of my first boyfriend. Tall, dark and nerdy. He also plays guitar and cello. Is into greek mythology and thinks that Mars is ripe for terraforming...and he's polite!
The dog likes him too, so that's a plus.
I confess that I am really not ready for my daughter to be dating...she's only 16! I now know how my parents felt...to me she is still that little babe I held in my arms and fed, not this gorgeous, intelligent creature with a knockout bod....
I am drawn back to my youth, when I was a bit younger, and this boy who was the first to claim my heart. I had my first kiss at a dance in middle school...and I can say, that to this date, it was the sweetest, most incredible kiss I've ever had.
I mean no offense to my Mike, none at all, but there is something about that first kiss that renders it the best. It's the breathless excitement of the unknown...chaste yet scintillating; it's something a girl (and I suspect a boy) never forgets. That shiver down the spine, the reward of many a nervous thought, action and dream. That tingle in the toes ( and other parts, naughty!) the feeling that one can fly. The trembles, the sighs....oh to be that innocent again!
What heaven that first kiss was!
What bliss that first touch of a strong set of hands about one's waist. The clean smell of his skin, and the breathless nervousness of it all. It was so pure, yet so decadent. The memory is so sweet! It makes my heart pound even to this day!
I want that for my daughter, yet I don't. I want her to feel that swooping of the stomach, the taste of that first kiss on her lips....but I also want to kill the SOB that dares tread that territory.
I am a parent...oh my god....this is hellish and also delightful. It's so hard to put into words...I am happy and sad. I know how may parent's felt. It's just as bad as being an adolescent all over again, only this time, when her heart gets broken it will be two of us suffering. We have reached that fork, that beginning of the road that will lead her away from me and to her own destiny.
It is incredible. It's scary. It's wonderful, yet heartbreaking to behold.
Yet, I wouldn't trade this for all of the world.
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