Reproduction...

I don't know if it's a midlife crisis, or the fact that I am totally in love with my husband (albeit not churched, yet), but for the last year or so I've had this rather insane urge to have another baby.

Which is nearly impossible, seeing as I had my tubes tied several years ago when I thought that I was done with the whole child-bearing thing. I say nearly, because science is a wonderful thing, and I know that I can harvest eggs till the cows come home. If we can get past the whole impersonal side of invitro (ie: me on a table in stirrups and Mike in a dark room with the latest copy of Hustler or Playboy), then great! Then again there is no way to pre-implantation screen for Downs Syndrome and other things prior to fertilization and implantation. I believe that life begins at fertilization, and don't think that I could choose to toss away an imperfect life.

At the risk of seeming to be selfish or shallow, I don't want a baby with Downs or other imperfections. I want a life with Mike after retirement...yet I know that the risk of having a Downs baby at my age is great. Sarah Palin has a beautiful son with Downs...but she is her and I am me.  I know my limitations.

Yet, there is nothing more that would give me pleasure than to give Mike a son or daughter.  There is nothing I want more than to make a child with him. He is so incredible, in spite of his faults, and he'd be a wonderful father. He is to my girls...a son would take the cake in my eyes.

So, since I don't want to risk a bad pregnancy, or even go to the expense of invitro, I'm thinking adoption.

Maybe after I finish Nursing school.

There are so many unwanted, unplanned for babies in this world. I have a friend who has adopted 2 boys from unfit mothers. Their lives are so much better now, their potential is incredible.

This is something that I, no we, have to seriously consider. Babies change everything. I mean EVERYTHING. I have had 2...I know this.

Yet the thought of sleepless nights, diapers, formula and all daunt me not, for there is nothing that I've ever experienced that is more fulfilling to my soul than a baby. The loving, nurturing and caring for a new life.  Being a mother is the most incredible thing I have ever done with my life.

I am pretty sure I want to do it again....I know that I want to share it with Mike.

I know that it's something that I need to pray over.