Last Wednesday, my phone rang, and at the other end of the line was my mother.She told me that my beloved Aunt Barbara had gone into the hospital for the replacement of her Aortic Valve, and that she didn't survive the surgery.
Aunt Barbara was an awesome woman. She raised 4 children as a single mother after her and my Uncle Chuck divorced, she was deeply involved with the Catholic church, the Rosary Society, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts and she was devoted to the Blessed Virgin, like no one I have ever, ever known. She took care of my Gramps (her father) and my Aunt Adele when they were sick and dying. She was one of the very few people I talked to when I was considering moving back to New Orleans in 2009, because I knew that she would be honest with me whilst not trying to influence me one way or the other. She was someone who I could talk to about anything and know that I wouldn't be judged by her, but that she would listen and advise with nothing but love,and the guidance of Jesus and the Holy Mother.
At family gatherings, you could always hear her giggles, rising above the noise of our large French-German family; she delighted in life and the living of it. In her youth, she was physically beautiful, so much so that, according to my daddy, she had men beating down the door. Judging from her pictures, I can see why...she was a knockout! The one thing I learned about her, was that, her hands were never idle, she was always looking for things to do, even in her youth. And she was so brilliant, so very, very intelligent; and I didn't need a scrap book or family stories to tell me that. I saw it all the time, those brains of hers.
She also had this melodious voice, which is why, if you watched WLAE(New Orleans local Catholic television station), you would hear her voice overs or announcements. It's also why (in addition to her being so beloved by me) I had her do the readings at my 1st marriage. It is a great sadness to me that she won't be able to do the flowers for my upcoming wedding to Mike, she would have loved him so had she had the chance to meet him. She would have been so happy that God has given me this man.
I miss her so very much.
To me, she was angelic. An Earth-bound angel, just waiting to get her wings. I just didn't expect it to be so soon.
When mom called me, I wept. I was stunned and devistated. She had gone in for a valve replacement, but her Aorta had calcified. I like to think of it as she had given her heart to the point that it just wore out. She died in the best way possible; without pain, heart full of joy, at peace. She went to sleep and poof! woke up in heaven. How beautiful that is to think of, dying peacefully in the manner that one lived?
Even in death, Aunt Barbara was working amongst us all. Even in my sadness, she was teaching me things; or rather, pointing out the obvious in her gentle way. You see, her death brought me back to New Orleans and to my family.
When I moved back to The Big Easy in July of 2009, I and my cousins and aunts all got together and celebrated my return. Then life got in the way and we all got too busy with family and work. I didn't see my cousins or my aunt as much as I intended to do. Her death brought us all back together, her passing stoked the burning embers of the love that I have for my cousins and aunts and uncles. I got to know them again, and found that they are all essentially the same as I remember from childhood when we played together.
It was a chance to look at photo albums, to remember Gramp's annual 4th of July Picnics at the house on Clearview and the incredible fruit salad he'd make. I've never been able to duplicate it. I can still see the violets that Gramps grew on the little nook counter in the kitchen, right next to the jar of peppermints, which he swore settled an upset tummy(they do). I can still taste my Granny's corn soup, a recipe I've also never been able to duplicate. I thought of Aunt Adele and her incredible fudge (it melted in your mouth!) Aunt Carol and her hugs and red lipstick, Aunt Teeda and Uncle Don who live so far away in Washington. Hanging out will Bonnie, John, Kenny and Reid at Christmas. I thought of Miss Elaine and her children and grandchildren, new family all when Gramps married her after my Granny died.
And from all of this living and growing up, I have my cousins-in-law; Lori and Michelle in particular; and never forgetting my Auntie Robin. I love these three women, more than I can find the words to express. I found myself feeling ashamed that I hadn't spent more time with them during my year in New Orleans, just as I felt guilty about not spending more time with Aunt Barbara...even though she'd tell me I was being silly.
Another thing that weighed on my mind and spirit was my faith and walk with Christ. You see Aunt Barbara was so faithful! I've never met anyone with such a genuine, childlike faith in God. Ever. She trusted in the Lord for everything, but also knew that faith without works is dead...she go totally got it! I want to be like her in that way. I desire that unconditional love, that faith and hope that she possessed. She went into the surgery without worry. Her odds were great, statistically, that she'd survive, but she didn't and she was at peace.
She had a real peace of soul. Think about those words for a moment "peace of soul". I want that for myself, any my biggest regret is that I never got around to asking her how to attain that; even though I really know the answer anyway, it still was a conversation I wanted to have with her.
It is said that God never shuts a door without opening another, and I believe this is true. It's amazing how much one's life can change in a few days time...He is truly a wonderous Father.
During the sad days of last week, I determined that I would no longer let life get in the way of spending time with the ones that I love most of all in this world. Mike, my children, my parent's, my friends and my cousins.
I will pray the rosary, I will read The Word, I will nourish my soul. I will walk into church and not expect to burst into flame. I will go with a humble heart, swallowing my pride. I don't expect perfection, I am merely human and flawed, but I will walk in faith. I seek and desire Aunt Barbara's peace of soul.
You see life is so delicate...one day you could fall asleep and never wake up again. What is the legacy that I want to leave behind?
No comments:
Post a Comment